


I think I can fake it if you can

by floozylouis



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M, everything i write is so stupidly endearing, warning: stupid cute teenagers in love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-10
Updated: 2013-07-21
Packaged: 2017-12-14 12:25:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 12
Words: 18,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/836849
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/floozylouis/pseuds/floozylouis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Don’t be sorry Harry. The past is in the past. The point was that The Rouge is sneaky and sinister and they are not to be associated with. They’re addicted to winning and won’t stop at anything to get that. They won’t spare your feelings or your future. Just please promise me you’ll just stay away from all of them Harry. Especially Louis."</p><p>"I promise." </p><p>aka battle of the bands</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Harry

**Author's Note:**

>  I pictured Louis more punk and strong in this, like way more than he was when he was actually 17 and a little pixie :)  
> (and I changed the title cause it was really bothering me, the new one is from carried away by passion pit)

I finished singing the last line and looked into the crowd. The audience was on their feet. It was the first time I had ever performed in front of an audience bigger than at my school talent show. It felt amazing. This was my calling. I was meant to sing onstage. The audience was still cheering when the announcer cut in. “That was White Eskimo everybody. Next up…” I didn’t hear him finish. The announcer was our que to exit. The whole band ran off stage, Hayden waving one last time, jogging into the wigs. We exchanged high fives and cheers once out of the public eye. 

“That was amazing. We actually did it.” I breathed out to my band mates.

“We were amazing,” Hayden started. “Especially you, Harry. Being a new addition to the band can be tough, but you pulled through! Congrats buddy.” He put his arm around my shoulder and began to walk. Hayden gave me a pat on the back as congratulation. Nick pulled out the program from his back pocket. 

“How much more ‘til The Rouge?” Will asked us.

“I think like half an hour.” Nick returned back. 

“Who’s The Rouge?” I asked the boys. I was almost 16, and I had just joined last month. This was my first performance as a member of White Eskimo. 

"The Rouge is a snotty little band from Doncaster. They think they’re the shit and they’ve won Battle of the Bands every year.” Hayden told me, nearly spitting his words.

“Not this year.” I muttered under my breath, interrupting him. 

“That’s the spirit.” Hayden encouraged me. He was the oldest, the leader of the band. Hayden showed me most of the ropes. 

“Can we watch The Rouge perform?” I asked eagerly. We had continued walking towards our dressing room and had arrived there now. 

“Of course, it’s a tradition. We have to watch, they're our biggest competitors.” Alex stated, ending his sentence with a scoff.

“Alright, well if you don’t mind boys, I’ve got to hit the loo.” I responded. I opened the door and sauntered down the long hallway. If you listened closely, you could hear the banging of the distant drums and feel the bass of the guitar. I closed my eyes and let the vibrations fill my body. 

 

Music was in my soul. 

 

I don’t know how long I was standing there, but when I came back to reality I was really lost. I wandered until I found a security guard. I coughed, intentionally. “Excuse me, sir, do you know where I could find a bathroom?” I asked. He turned around and looked me over with a condescending, judging stare. I just needed to pee. 

“Who are you?” He grumbled to me. Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning. I thought to myself. 

“Harry Styles. I’m fifteen. Part of White Eskimo.” I was quite proud to be in a band. My other friends had told me I’ve become quite annoying, bragging about my new band member status. The big man was checking his list. I didn’t know a summer battle of the bands would have such high security. And in Leeds, of all places. 

“Hm. Yeah. There you are.” The security guard told me, looking me over once again. “Down that hall and to your right. Second door on the left.”

I muttered a “thanks” and went on my way. I pushed the washroom door open and entered. When I did, I felt my body collide with another, I had hit someone on accident. 

“Hi.”

“Oops!” We said in unison. “Sorry about that.” The boy continued. I waved my hand to show it was no big deal. 

“Harry Styles.” I said, extending my hand to his.

“Louis Tomlinson.” He smiled and returned the shake. He glanced at his phone. “And I’m late. See you later.” He smiled and walked out the door. I sighed. He seemed like a nice guy. I couldn’t quite place why but I hoped he’d ring true on his promise to see me. Maybe it was because I needed more musical friends than my band mates. That would be nice. I finished my business and walked back to the dressing room. Will, Nick and Hayden were sitting on the make-shift chairs in the make-shift dressing room. I’m pretty sure it was supposed to be a broom closet. Hayden stood up brushed off his pants. 

“Alright lads, you ready? The little snots start in ten.” 

***

“So why do you hate The Rouge so much?!” I yelled to Nick, over the blasting music. 

"What?!" He yelled back. 

“Why do you all hate The Rouge so much?!”I repeated, louder. 

“Oh, well Hayden has real bad history with the lead drummer! And their just all little stuck up shits as well. I’ll tell you the full story when we can actually talk!” Nick screamed to me. I nodded in response. The band currently on stage was good, but we were better. 

“Next up, our competing champions, The Rouge!” I was a little nervous to see them perform. What if they were a lot better than us? What if I let my band down and they would win, again? No. I wouldn’t let that happen. I would do whatever it took to win this competition. The Rouge was dead to me. When they ran onstage, my heart dropped a little, and I frowned. This was frustrating. Their backup singer was the boy I had met in the bathroom. I hadn’t planned on hating him. When we had met, he had given off a real friendly vibe and I had wanted to be friends. Damn. Oh well, I thought. It is what it is. I returned my attention to the stage. The band had already started their first song. They were good. I had to give them that. The crowd was pushing and pulling me different directions, and throwing their drinks. Despite the massive distraction, my focus was pulled elsewhere. 

The boy from the bathroom. 

Louis, I think his name was. I was immediately entranced with the way his lips moved perfectly in sync with the beat of the song, how you could still faintly hear his accent when he sang. The sparkle of his eyes when he sang made it clear he loved what he was doing. He subtly moved his free hand as he sang the higher notes. I found myself mad that they hadn’t placed him in the lead vocals. I wanted to hear more of his voice. I couldn’t keep my eyes off this boy, he pulled me in. All too soon, The Rouge’s performance was over. The boys exited the stage. I silently cursed myself for not paying more attention to the whole performance. Will signaled me over to the exit door. The rest of the boys followed suit. 

Once we were in the dressing room, Hayden called us together. “So, guys. They weren’t that good. We can beat them. We’ve got Harry this year. So, for the next couple weeks, let’s focus and win. Okay? Good.” The band nodded in agreement and walked to their corners. “Harry, lemme talk to you for a second.” Hayden called for me. 

“Yeah?” 

“I saw you staring at Louis.” 

“What? I wasn’t, I swear. I was just trying to concentrate on the performance.” I said, probably way too fast. 

“What was their song called?” He asked, knowing I wouldn’t have the answer.

“I.. um..” I stuttered. 

“Exactly. Don’t lie to me Harry. All I’m saying, is that the reason I lost to this band the first year, and the reason I keep trying to beat them isn’t only because we’re both talented. A couple years ago, their drummer, Jack, took advantage of me. I was young and impressionable. He tricked me into thinking he really liked me,” Hayden was pretty open about his sexuality. “And knowing that we were competition,” 

I realized where he was going with this and interrupted.

“Um, Hayden, I’m not gay.” I pulled a little face at him. 

“Yes, Harry. I know. You missed the point of the story. Knowing we were competition, the whole band was in on a scam to make me fall in love with Jack. He got me head over heels in love with him, only in a couple weeks. Knowing my heart was so easily broken and mangled; the band used it against me. Jack dumped me seconds before my final performance. I was crushed, and it affected my ability on stage. They won. Jack doesn’t even like guys.” 

“Wow. I’m so sorry.” I told him.

“Don’t be. The past is in the past. The point was that The Rouge is sneaky and sinister and they are not to be associated with. They’re addicted to winning and won’t stop at anything to get that. They won’t spare your feelings or your future. Just please promise me you’ll just stay away from all of them Harry?”

I hesitated, but then remembered what I had told myself earlier. I reminded myself that I didn’t even know Louis, that he was probably a twat just like my boys said. I had to trust Hayden. 

“I promise.”


	2. Louis

“Seriously. What the fuck? Do you think this is a joke? Get your shit together Louis. This isn’t a game. It’s real life. We have a championship to win. Are you even listening to me? “

“Mhm” I mumbled to Stan, looking at my phone. He snatched my cell and chucked it somewhere in the room. “Hey! What the hell?”

“Geoff ?” Stan looked to Geoff for assistance with yelling at me. I knew I had been off my game lately. I was losing my interest in music. I was just getting bored.

“Louis, seriously. That was your worst performance in a while. What’s gotten into you?” Geoff asked.

“I don’t know okay! I’m trying my best. I’m only seventeen, get off my back. I’m just a little, distracted.” I told my band mates. I had been distracted lately. My parents fought constantly. And even though I would never tell Geoff or Stan or Chris, it really bothers me. Every night I have to bring Lottie and the twins into my room and sing to them like nothing’s wrong. I hate it.

“Well, get un-distracted. You know how much this means to us.” Stan scolded me. I started to look for where he threw my phone. I listened in on him talking to the other members of The Rouge.

“Did you see White Eskimo got a new lead singer?”

“Yeah. Kids got talent.”

“Yeah. Competition winning talent. We need to break him before we lose our title.”

“How?” I asked, dusting off my phone screen and re-entering the conversation.

“Well, I was thinking sabotage. We killed Hayden that time.” Geoff said, sounding confident. I remember when they did that. Hayden was crushed. My team played dirty, but it’s effective. We destroy our competition, both on and off stage. Works every time. 

“What exactly were we thinking?” I asked. 

“You.” Said George. I froze. 

“Me?”

“Yes, you. It’s perfect. You’ve never been the center of a prank before. It’s your turn. And the little lad seems impressionable.” He continued. “Make him think you’re friends, lead him on. Pretend to show him the ropes and act like his brother. Make him feel wanted, and on the way, earn his trust. We can get some secrets out of him. Then, dump him. Tell him he’s worthless and can’t sing, and never talk to him gain. That’s how it works.” Geoff grabbed a banana and leaned against the counter. 

“Alright, I’m in.” 

***

It was just getting dark and I was finishing my dinner, or late night snack, and I saw him leaving the gig. I made sure he was alone, then approached him. He was already a good ways towards the parking lot so I started into a jog. 

“Harry!” I waved at him. He turned around and meekly waved. Harry continued on his walk. I sighed. If his band mates had already talked to him about us this was going to be a lot more difficult. “Harry!” I yelled again. When he turned the second time I motioned for him to come over and join me. He looked all around, making sure we were alone and made his way over to me. 

“Yeah?” He asked. 

“I saw you perform tonight, you guys were killer. I didn’t have a chance to say that earlier. Loved that tune. You help write it?” I had to seem comfortable and confident with him, to make him feel comfortable. The faster I made us ‘friends’, the better. 

“Yeah, I did. Listen Louis I really have to go, it’s getting late and my mum will murder me.” He turned and started to walk the other way. Wow, this kid did not want to talk to me. I grabbed his shoulder and pulled him back. 

“Common, you headed for the train?” He nodded. “Here, I’ll drive you. It’ll be way faster.” I told him. 

“Look. I shouldn’t even be talking to you right now, okay?” the younger boy stated, just a little quieter. 

“Kid. No one will know. Where do you live?”

“Erm..” He stumbled. “Holmes Chapel?” He said really unsure. I laughed.

“Holmes Chapel?” I asked rhetorically. He looked guiltily at his feet. If Harry was actually going home, he would be living in the same city as the gig. No person in their right mind would drive to and from every day to a different city. The little liar. “You little liar. Cheeky. But I like it. Tell me where you’re staying. I’ll take you.” He was about to protest, but I stopped him before anything could leave his mouth. “It’s not an option.” Harry looked at his feet again, sighed, and looked up at me. 

“You won’t tell anyone?” He asked. I pulled my fingers across my lips to show they were sealed. Harry cracked a giant grin. “Okay. Thanks. The Fairmont South.” And I couldn’t help but return his toothy grin. 

***

“She what?!” 

“Seriously. I don’t even know how a six year old can get enough food coloring to fill a whole pool.” 

“It sounds like your house is so much fun. Always has a lot of people.” Harry sighed. 

“You don’t have much family?” I asked him. 

“Well I have a sister, but not nearly as much fun as the Tomlinsons.” He laughed. 

“You have a nice laugh.” I told him. “You should use it more often.” I took one hand off the wheel to poke him playfully. 

“Thanks. Hey, do you know where we’re going?” He asked me. I actually had no idea where we were, or how long we had been driving. I genuinely liked talking to Harry. I had started off the car ride trying purposely to make Harry laugh, and be nice to him, but somewhere along the way it had stopped being an act. “Louis? Do you know where we are?” He asked again. 

“Um…” 

“Louis!” Harry smacked me. “I need to get back to the boys. They will literally kill me.”

“Live a little Harry. I’ll find your hotel; have a little faith in me.” I said, a little over dramatic. Harry sighed. We were silent for a while, when Harry popped up with an unsuspected question. 

“What’s it like being in The Rouge? Do you like it?” When he spoke, I was reminded about my original mission. Harry was a good kid. It’ll be a shame when we all dump him. The truthful answer to his question? Most of the time I love it, when the boys aren’t being arseholes. But around this time of the year, I hate it. All they care about is fame, and wining this goddamn competition. They all fucking boss me around like nobody’s business. I could never tell Harry that. I’m trying to convince him my band is god-like right now. So I tell him most of the truth:

“I love it. The boys are great. I just love being part of something, you know? I’ve always needed to feel a part of something. It helps me get through the day, knowing I belong somewhere.” 

“Do you write for the band at all?” The boy didn’t respond to my last statement, only coming up with another question to fire at me. 

“That’s so random, Harry. Why do you want to know? But no, I don’t.” Now I had started to actually look for Harry’s hotel. It was really dark by now. I was seriously struggling. 

“Really?” He seemed shocked that I didn’t write for the band. “You just have such a poetic nature about you, I assumed you would write.” He fiddled with his fingers. 

“I think that’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me.” I was taken aback by his comment. “I actually write a little, but I keep it to myself pretty much.”

“I would love to hear it some time.” Harry’s eyes sparked with interest and curiosity. Nobody’s every showed curiosity in my work before. 

“Of course.” I told him. 

“Lou, how old are you?” Oh my god. The boy just called me ‘Lou’. Not even my band mates call me that. That’s so… intimate. Like my best friend or mum intimate. I don’t know how to respond to him.

“What did you just call me?” I asked him, unsure of what else to say. 

“Oh, I’m sorry, Louis. I just like nicknames and Louis is kind of long, I just thought-“

“Its two syllables.” I said, a little too harsh than it needed to be.

“I’m sorry.” Harry said shamefully, looking down at his feet. God this kid did that a lot. He sighed. I felt bad, I always snap out at people like that when I get scared. Harry seemed really in need of a good friend, and it seemed that he really liked the attention I was giving him. I was just worried I would ruin his entire life just to win a competition. 

“No, I’m sorry. It’s fine Harry. Call me whatever you want. I didn’t mean to lash out.” 

“Good. ‘Cause I like ‘Lou’.” Harry bounced back pretty fast from that one. 

“So do I.” 

 

I pulled to the side of the road and ran my fingers through my hair in frustration. 

“Lou. If you don’t know where we are, I don’t mind. Honestly right now I just want to sleep. The boys are probably already asleep, and they know I can take care of myself.” Harry reassured me. He rubbed his hand on my back. “Seriously. It’s not a big deal.” He seemed slightly weirded-out that I was so bothered by this. I just felt bad that we were lost. Harry seemed so young and innocent, and I had acted so confident when I told him I could drive him home. Which now that I’m thinking about it, was completely stupid because I am absolutely terrible at directions. I now felt I needed to protect him. We just kind of had a connection; talking to each other was easy. I looked up at him. 

“Do you want to just get a motel?” I asked. 

“I would love that.” He beamed back at me. 

We drove a little while longer, telling old stories and laughing like we were best friends. Harry pointed out a flickering motel sign. I drove into the parking lot. Getting out of the car we both realized how tired we were. Harry yawned, and I did the same not too long after. 

“Room for two please.” I said, handing the clerk a wad of cash. Harry stepped forward to stop me. 

“I can pay.” He stood a little taller, trying to show his masculinity. I chuckled. 

“It’s fine Harry. I got it. Plus, I’m the reason you’re in this mess anyways.” 

“But—“ 

“No buts.” I interrupted him. I turned back to the clerk and handed him the money. I could hear Harry huff in defeat behind me. I smiled and shook my head. The large man behind the desk took my money and handed me two room keys, without saying anything. The two of us walked down the long hallway to out room. I unlocked the door and chivalrously bowed my head and motioned Harry in. “My princess.” 

“Shut up Louis.” I laughed and joined him in our really crappy room. “I’m exhausted.” Harry told me, yawning again. 

“Well our first class bed is right there.” I told him, joking around. I walked into the bathroom to take a pee. After I was done, I shot a text to Stan to tell him I was fine.

‘got harry. mission well on the way, kids easier than we thought. see ya tomorrow ‘

When I walked out, Harry had stripped to his boxers, and was about to take those off as well.

“What the hell are you doing?” I asked Harry, well shielding my eyes with my hand. 

“I usually sleep naked. Is that an issue?” 

“Um…” I gave him a look to show him that it was indeed going to be a problem. He laughed, and put his hands up to say ‘don’t shoot’. Harry climbed into bed. I joined him shortly after. 

“Lou?” Harry asked after a while. I had already assumed he was asleep. 

“Yeah Harry?” 

“You never told me how old you are.” 

“Oh.” I laughed. “I’m seventeen Harry. You’re younger right?” 

“Mhm.” He mumbled. I could tell he was falling asleep. “15.” I laughed again. He kept trying to snuggle up to me, and I definitely knew he was falling asleep. Harry mumbled something that sounded like ‘papa bear’. 

“What are you talking about?” I asked the boy lying beside me. 

“You can be papa bear, I’ll be Goldilocks. Like the Musketeers.” I laughed out loud at that one. I rolled over to look at Harry. He was sleep talking. The child talks in his sleep. How fucking cute. I rolled back over, put a pillow over my ear, and tried to get a couple hours of well-earned sleep.


	3. Louis

Hiding - Chapter 3 

 

Louis

I woke up to a blazing sunshine casting a bright light on the dirty bed I was in, alone. Where was Harry? I sat up and called his name thinking he would be dressing or something. “Harry?” No reply. I got out of the bed and saw a note fall on the ground. I walked over to it, picking it up. It read;

-Louis, Im sorry for leaving early. I had to hurry back so the boys didn’t notice me being gone. Thanks for the motel. I’ll see you tonight! 

-H

I smiled slightly, reading the note before sliding it safely into the back pocket of my jeans that I had fallen asleep in. I stretched before brushing my teeth, gathering my things, and leaving. I checked out and ran back to my car. I got a text, from Geoff. 

 

Geoff: Man. Where are you? Rehearsal? Remember that? I tried calling you! Meet us there now. 

 

I looked at my missed calls, 7. “Shit.” I immediately hit the gas pedal going in the direction of the address Geoff had given me. Once I pulled up into the small parking lot, I stepped out fast, walking into what looked like a community center. I was only a few minutes late. I hoped. I pushed open the glass doors and wandered until I found room 145. As soon as I opened the door, I was bombarded with questions. 

”Louis where the fuck were you?!” 

“You’re never late!” 

“Seriously what the fuck is up?” 

They all cursed at me. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I was at a motel. With Harry.” I smirked. Chris’ face lit up. 

”Oh. How was he?” 

“Easy. He thinks we’re best friends.” I smiled, knowing they would be proud of me. 

“Keep leading him on.” Another band mate said. 

“Don’t worry, I know. I plan on taking him out again tonight.” I told them, sounding confident. 

“Taking him out?” Chris asked me, like he thought I was talking about taking Harry on a date date. I laughed. 

“Not like that, dipshit. You know what I mean.” I punched him playfully, he smiled and continued to tune his guitar.

“So, what exactly happened last night Louis?” 

“Well. I convinced him to catch a ride home with me. I got lost, on propose, ‘accidentally’ had to grab a motel, and we stayed the night. Kid totally bought the whole thing. He thinks I’m his best friend. Honestly Harry’s way easier than you guys thought. Young, impressionable, and annoying.” I got words of appreciation from the boys and took my respective seat. When I sat, Harry’s note from earlier crinkled, reminding me of what fun I actually had last night. My guilt kicked in, telling me not to make fun of Harry. I pushed it aside before asking myself who I truly wanted to impress, a good friend like Harry, or backstabbing, overworking band mates? I shook my head, clearing it of the thoughts and bringing it back to the task at hand.

After rehearsal, we were set for awards. This battle of the Bands was pretty professional, and they had elimination/awards night, like on reality shows. The top band each week performed an extra song on awards night and the lowest band was eliminated. Since The Rouge was pretty confident we would win, we held an emergency practice. It was just routine now, winning. It wasn’t even fun, wasn’t even a challenge. Not anymore. I sighed, pressing the lock button on my keys. The girly beep told me it had locked. I walked into the dressing room and set down my bag. I knew I was late, again. And it wasn’t like me. I fixed my hair in the mirror and headed backstage. 

“Hey, Louis.” Stan muttered to me, nodding his head and twirling his drum stick in the air. I nodded at him in response. Every other band in the competition was back here. I would love to go talk to some of them, but of course that’s forbidden. How dare I ever even think of talking to competition?! I thought to myself sarcastic and frustrated. I leaned against the wall and took out my phone. I idly scrolled through old texts and pictures, just to pass time. About ten minutes later then they said it would be, the lights slowly flickered on, and the announcer walked onstage. All bands rushed over to the curtains, straining to sneak a peek at the results. I caught Harry’s eye from across the stage, at the other curtain. Seeing how excited the boy was to see how well his band did, I shot him a wink. He smiled so big I swear his lips would come off his face. I shook my head and laughed at how easily entertained Harry was. I pulled my eyes back to the stage and listened to what the announcer had to say. 

“This week, in third place, with the hometown advantage, Awkward Silence!” The band looked like they were all thirty, yet still super pumped to get third in an amateur competition. 

Time to get a new hobby boys. 

 

“And, in second place from Doncaster, The Rouge!” 

What? Did I hear right? Second? Second. We got second. Who in hell’s name beat us? 

“Leaving first place, to,” the announcer waited an annoyingly long time to tell me who I had to kill. “White Eskimo!” 

 

Oh. 

 

That’s all I could manage to think. I guess they deserved it. Whatever. At least we’re still in the competition. But that’s not what my band was thinking.

 

“Louis, you had one fucking job. What did you do, tell the kid to do amazing? Shit Louis, You’re supposed to distract him. Not fucking encourage him.” God Stan swore a lot. 

 

“I’m sorry! Calm down! I’ll hang out with him again tonight, I’ll distract him. I promise. Next week we’ll be so high on the judges scores they’ll have to make a new scoring system.” I pleaded to my mates, pretty much begging them for forgiveness. 

“Whatever, Louis. You better.” 

They all left me standing alone in the dressing room. How was it my fault White Eskimo was better than us? They overreact so much. It’s just second place. Pretty damn good in my opinion, second place out of like 15 bands. I scoffed. I sat down, alone with my thoughts for probably much too long, when I realized I had missed seeing White Eskimo perform, the boys had drug me away so fast. I sighed. I’m sure Harry would be upset I didn’t see him perform. Oh god. I really need to stop considering his feelings. It’s just going to get me attached. I tried to think of anything besides my new friend, when I heard footsteps walking down to the theatre.

 

Who was still here? I peered out my dressing room door, and just caught the end of a curly head turning the corner. Harry. I followed him, not too close behind, to see exactly what was going on. He was going backstage, what did he want? I stayed back out of earshot, and I saw him have a conversation with the tech guy. What was going on? As Harry walked onstage, I walked a little closer, so I could hear him. Oh my god. He was singing. He was pretending to sing in front of an imaginary audience. How much cuter could this kid get?


	4. Harry

Harry

The boys were super pumped about winning. Don’t get me wrong, I was too. It’s just that I had sort of expected it. I knew the group that got eliminated was bad, and we were killer out there the other day, and tonight. There was a little break before we had to perform again, which was nice, we could relax. I felt a little bad that we beat Louis’ band though. Louis didn’t watch my performance and I thought maybe he was mad at me. Cheers and loud conversation rang through the dressing room. Hayden spoke up through the noise. 

 

“I say, this deserves ice cream sundaes. My treat.” He smiled. The lads agreed and started to shuffle out the doors. I hung back. Hayden peered through the door, noticing my absence. “You coming?” He asked, a smile on his face. 

“Nah,” I responded. ”I think I’ll chill here for a bit.” I ran my fingers over the table. 

“Alright. Stay safe bud. See you at the hotel.” He disappeared and I heard his footsteps accelerate, catching up to the boys. I sighed. This was all a little surreal for me. Being in the band, winning, making friends, feeling the rush of the stage. I sat down on one of the ratty chairs and took a minute to gather my thoughts. My brain was usually scattered and messy; I needed these serene moments throughout the day to keep me sane. I didn’t think about anything in particular, I just let my brain go. Not for the first time, and definitely not for the last time, my mind wandered to Louis. Something about his personality dragged me towards him. I really, genuinely liked being in his presence. He had this protective, comfortable vibe about him. He seemed happy too. I realized the contents of my thoughts and stopped them in their tracks. Was it weird to think about friends this much? I over think things a lot. My mum always told me that I have too many things inside my head for a fifteen year old boy. I looked at the time. People should be cleared out by now. That’s what I was waiting for. I walked out into the hallway, running my fingers along the wall. My walk led me backstage. The sound-guy was wrapping up his equipment when I walked up towards him. 

“Hey, sorry man. We’re closing up.” He told me, not stopping his clean-up.

“I know. I was just going to sit onstage for a couple minutes, is that okay?” I sent him my best puppy dog face. 

“Fine kid. Be out of here in ten minutes.”

“Thank you!” I said gratefully. I ran onstage and took a deep breath. I looked up into the crowd I created with my mind. With my best ‘announcer’ voice, I said; 

“Now presenting, your feature act, Harry Styles!” I acted out the noise I hoped a crowd of people would make someday when I entered the stage. I pretended to run on, like a celebrity, waving to my adoring fans. I took a deep breath and started to sing the first song that came to mind. The paring of these two was perfect. The lyrics were so cute. I found it on a new releases page a couple of months ago. It fit my voice perfectly. 

 

“Do you hear me, I’m talking to you

Across the water across the deep blue ocean

Under the open sky, oh my, baby I’m trying

Girl, I hear you in my dreams

I feel your whisper across the sea

I keep you with me in my heart

You make it easier when life gets hard, Lucky I’m in love with my best fri-” 

“Boo.” 

I let out a very feminine scream and just about jumped to the moon he startled me that bad. 

“Lou! You scared me. Dick.” I slapped his arm. “How much of that did you hear?” I asked, realizing he could have heard my embarrassing role-play before I began singing. 

“Now presenting, Harry Styles!” He said, way over dramatic. I groaned. Nobody was supposed to hear that. “Don’t worry. It was cute.” He pinched my cheeks. I sighed. “What are you still doing here?” Louis asked me. 

“What are you still doing here?” I answered his question with another question. 

“Touché.” 

“Do you wanna go see a movie or something? If you want.” I didn’t give him time to respond before over thinking the question I had randomly blurted out. (As usual) and second guessing myself (As usual). “Like, you don’t have to, I just thought I had fun the other night and-” 

 

“I’d love to Harry. Stop second guessing yourself.” Reading my mind, Louis laughed and put a hand on my shoulder for reassurance. 

 

***

 

“Two tickets for Saw VI please.” I told the lady at the register. 

“Oh, we’re seeing that?” Louis asked me, he seemed scared. 

“Lou, are you scared?” I laughed slightly. 

“No.”

“Yes.”

“No.”

“Yes.” 

“No.” 

“Fine, then we’ll see it. You good with that?” I smiled cheekily, knowing very well that Louis was indeed scared. I turned back to the cashier. “So, two for Saw?” I smiled at her. She handed me two tickets and my change. After much arguing, Louis let me pay. I used the reasoning that he had paid for the motel yesterday. We walked into the theatre without getting popcorn. Usually I would have, but Louis didn’t want any. I got us two seats in the middle section of the movie and Louis followed me close behind. 

 

***

 

It was almost hard to stifle my giggles. Louis should have just told me he didn’t want to watch the movie. I could have watched something else. The boy was shaking in his seat. Saw wasn’t even scary. Not even a little bit. 

“Lou, ” I poked him. He screamed and jumped out of his seat. Payback. I laughed. “Lou, calm down. It’s just a movie.” I put my hand on his leg to try and comfort him a little. He shuddered on the contact with my skin, he probably was so into the movie he thought I was the villain in the story. You know how people get when they’re scared. I lightly tapped his exposed knee from the shorts he was wearing and he shuddered again. This was too good. He grumbled and sunk farther down into his seat. For the rest of the movie I was more entertained by Louis’ emotions than the actual film. When I met him, I really didn’t picture Louis as the type to be scared of movies like this. The movie finished and I had to remind Louis that we could leave now. He seemed affected. I didn’t mean to freak him out that bad, just meant to scare him a little. 

“Louis,” I tried poking him again. “You okay?” 

“Yeah, yeah. Sorry. I’m fine.” He shook himself out of his trance. “You owe me for that, Styles.” He told me sternly, back to his usual happy sarcastic self. 

“You’re the one who said you weren’t scared! It’s not my fault. I don’t owe you anything.” I said smugly, leaning against the door of the cinema. 

“Whatever.” He shot back. 

“Thanks for coming with me anyways. I had fun.” I stated, walking outside to where Louis had parked his car. 

“I actually had fun too Harry. Thanks.” He pressed the unlock button on his car and it beeped. I remembered when we had left for the theatre a couple hours ago I made fun of him for the girly sound it made when he did that. I probably should have told the boys where I was. They let me go last time, but Hayden would have my neck if he found out I was with Louis. But no matter what my band mates said or thought I just couldn’t pass up an easy friendship like the one I had with Louis. Hanging with him was such a nice break from the constant rehearsing and working we did as a band. I would just have to be more careful about what I did in public anymore, especially with a certain member of The Rouge. As soon as we were safely in Louis’ car I felt a buzz in my pocket. It was a text from Hayden. 

“Speak of the devil.” I muttered to myself. 

“What?” Louis asked. Or at least I thought it was to myself. 

“Nothing.” I responded shaking my head. 

***

“You could have been mugged! Killed! Harry! I promised your mum I’d take care of you. You promised her you’d stay with me at all times. If you can’t text me, or call me or something, I get worried! Okay? Just call next time Harry. Please.” Hayden pulled the over-protective mom speech again. I had prepared for this though. 

“Yes Hayden. I promise. I’ll be more careful next time.” I looked up at the taller boy. He smiled at me. 

“Good.” Well that was easy. I thought. “Wait, how’d you get home? Were you with that Tomlinson kid again?” Here we go. 

“No! I promise. I would never. He’s the enemy!” 

“You sure? I can see him trying to manipulate you.” Hayden gave me a stern look. 

“I swear. I’m too tough to be manipulated.” I made my best strong pose to add humour to my argument. It worked. He chuckled and ruffled my hair. But before Hayden had the chance to respond, Nick did. 

“Shut up! I’m trying to sleep!” He groaned. I shot Hayden a smile and he returned it. As soon as the entry way was clear I let out the breath I was holding in. I was good. Hayden believed me. I got ready for bed and joined the boys. We were lucky we got to stay here. Hayden’s dad had connections. And since his dad felt bad about kicking him out after Hayden had come out, we were allowed to stay here. When I had asked Nick, he said that Hayden didn’t really like to talk about it. Before falling asleep, I shot Louis a text. We had exchanged numbers during the movie. 

 

Harry: almost got caught tonight! My sneaky spy skills got me a free pass though ;) 

 

He responded almost instantly. 

 

Louis: you’re a loser. 

 

Harry: a loser you love! 

 

Louis: whatever harry. 

 

Harry: admit it! You love me! 

 

Louis: I love you harry. 

 

Harry: yay! Now I can sleep knowing im loved <3 love you too 

 

Louis: goodnight harry. 

 

Harry: goodnight!! <3 <3 :) :)


	5. Louis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I re-wrote this part a bunch of times. Im happy with it now.

Banter. Arguing. Fighting. It's all I ever hear anymore. It's frustrating, really. What I really want is some time to myself. Away from the constant noise, some time to nurse my growing headache. I grumble out to the boys that I'm going out, not expecting them to pay attention. They don't. The cramped space of the stupid trailer we share is making my head spin. I take a deep breath as I walk outside, the fresh air filling my lungs. I didn't really have a plan for where I was going, I just needed to go. I sat in the wrecked leather of our shared piece of crap car, the one my dad had lent us for this trip. I could still hear muffled noises of Stan yelling from the Honda. I put the keys in the ignition, trying two or three times before I got the thing started. I drove on for who knows how long, enjoying my break and letting the wind run through the interior. I didn't realize I was hungry until I saw the big yellow 'M' and my stomach responded with a growl. Perfect timing, I thought. I sported a slight smile and pulled into the parking lot. As I walked in the door and towards the cashier, my eyes came across a mop of curly hair. Harry.

"Harry!" I called to get the boy's attention. He flipped around to see me, a smile appearing on his face.

"Lou!" He gave up his spot further up in the line to encircle me in his arms. I sighed into his touch, it felt nice to be wanted, to be looked at with the adoring eyes Harry glanced up at me with. "Fancy seeing you here, hey? What are you up to at a MacDonald’s at 9 am?" I swear that smile never left Harry's face. He was going to get wrinkles when he was older. I chose to refrain from saying that, though. Harry licked his lips nonchalantly. He did that a lot as well. I also refrained from telling him that he had nice lips. I was being good with my words today. Sometimes I wasn't so good. A great deal of the time my words tumbled out uncontrollably.

"Just thought I'd go for a drive." I shrugged. "And what about you? Your hotel is like 20 miles from here. Why this MacDonald’s? And how'd you get here Mr. Underage?" I added a laugh towards him, making my statement friendly instead of scolding.

"I wanted to explore. I'm a secret explorer you know," He gave me a wink and struck a pose as what I thought was supposed to be an explorer. Harry was honestly and truly a flirt at heart. "And, even though I love my boys, I need some time to myself every now and then. Exploring rural Yorkshire seemed the perfect fit. I took the city bus." Again, there was that ever-present smile. I laughed at him, and I don't know why. Things Harry did were just entertaining. Harry was entertaining.

"Well, Styles, I guess it's fate." I looked into his emerald eyes and attempted to reciprocate the sparkle they showed with my blue ones. I don't think it worked.

"You nervous for Monday?" He asked, cheerily. Monday?

"What's on Monday?" I asked Harry, confused. Was there something I should know about? Harry sighed. There was obviously something I should know.

"Your performance?" He prodded.

Oh. That.

"Oh. Yeah. I'm looking forward to it, I guess, but I'm not nervous. I don't really get nervous." I shrugged.

"Lucky! I always get nervous. Even when I perform for myself in the mirror." Harry chuckled nervously. Harry had no reason to be nervous. His voice was amazing.

"You have no reason to be nervous Harry! Your voice is angelic."

"Says you!" He punched my arm and looked up into my eyes with such adoration and care I probably could have cried. A cough that came from neither one of our mouths brought our attention elsewhere. The cashier girl, it was our turn to order.

"Oh! Um, I'll have a double cheeseburger meal please." She returned my smile timidly and looked at Harry, waiting for his order.

"I'll have the same." The cashier, Taylor ( I read her nametag ), giggled to herself like she had her own inside joke.

"Is something funny?" I asked her, raising my eyebrows.

"No, no, I just think you guys are a really cute couple." Blush rose to her cheeks. Couple? Were we really that comfortable, that people assumed?

"Oh, no! We're just friends. Straight friends." I laughed, putting that down pretty quickly. Harry nodded in affirmation, doing his signature half-laugh. I took the meals and we sauntered outside, slowly making our way towards the worn-out picnic tables. Settling down in a particularly wrecked table, (Harry said it added character) we began to eat our grease filled snacks. "We should really not be eating this at nine A.M. " I pointed out to Harry, poking his bicep. He had been strangely quiet after the cashier’s mistake. "Harry?" I asked. "You okay?"

"Do you have a girlfriend Lou?" Harry asked, ignoring my question.

"No, Harry, why?"

"Just wondering." He picked at his fries.

"What about you Haz? Those girls must be all over your curls." I smirked and ruffed his hair condescendingly.

"Haz?" He asked, seeming amused at the nickname.

"Yes. Now stop avoiding my questions." I scolded him with a wave of my finger.

"I guess. But I don't really like most of the girls at my school. They're all dumb." He sighed and continued to play with his food, not making eye contact. I laughed, again, Harry Styles doing stupid things making me laugh for stupid reasons.

"I'm sure there's at least one girl you're pining after." I prodded at him.

"Well there was one girl, and we kinda fooled around a bit. B-but I don't really, like, like her. You know what I mean?" I suddenly became very aware of Harry's naivety. He was so innocent, so unsure. He was entering into such a scary world, the music business. It was like, I had the overwhelming desire to wrap Harry in a bunch of blankets and give him hot cacao and tuck him into bed.

"Yeah, I get it bud."

"Have you ever been with a girl Louis? Like been with been with?" More off the cuff questions from Harry.

"Yeah, Harry. I have."

"What was it like?"

"Well, her name was Hannah and we were, like drunk, it was a party. It wasn't supposed to happen. But it did, so yeah. It is what it is." I didn't really talk about what happened with me and Hannah, because she didn't want it to be a huge thing. I still respected her, and we actually maintianed a friendship, to my liking. Hannah was a great listener. She was good to have on your friends list.

"Was it, fun?" Harry asked, awkwardly-still not making eye contact.

"Yes. Harry. I don't know?" I had to take a breath and respond nicely with Harry's questions, because I knew he was just curious. He meant no harm.

"What's the best time you've ever had with a girl Lou?"

"I dunno Harry. Probably Han. What about you, kid? You have any share-worthy girl-kissing moments?" Harry didn't answer, so I filled the silence with another joke. I did that quite a bit, I found it relieved tension. Usually. "Unless you want to tell me about your favorite time with a boy." I winked, making it clear I was kidding. When Harry didn't immediately shoot that idea down, I got worried. "Harry?" I asked again.

"Have you ever kissed a guy, Lou?" He finally looked up, our eyes in intense contact. Harry's gaze became frighteningly strong, and all I could manage was a shake of the head from the shock of the sudden appearance of confidence in Harry's posture. "Have you ever wanted to?" He asked again, our faces drifting closer. I noticed how close we actually were. Was that normal? I noticed the way my stomach was flipping in ways that were making me uncomfortable. I noticed the light freckles dusting Harry's cheeks that had never appeared to me before. I noticed the way I hadn't noticed our thighs connecting. I noticed the golden specks in Harry's eyes. Was that even human? I was noticing a lot of things today. When Harry's gaze shifted for a millisecond down to my pale lips, his intentions were clear. I needed to get away. This was wrong, so wrong.

"H-Harry, I need to, uh, Stan, needs me. I'll see you later." I got up clumsily and silently cursed myself for knocking over the carton of fries. I left it though. I ran straight to my car. I willed myself to not look back, however Harry's gaze followed me until I was no longer in sight. I got in the car, ramming the door shut. My dad's old rosary mocked me from the dash. I could practically sense it screaming, chanting, telling everyone I had just nearly snogged a boy. Banishing me from my childhood society.


	6. Harry

 

I had never thought about boys before. Not before Louis. I hadn't even thought of Lou like that until that stupid little girl called us a couple and put the idea in my head. After that, I mentally sat myself down to have a chat about my feelings. I re-thought about all those close moments we had had in the short time period we had known each other. The more I thought, the more I knew I had feelings beyond a friendship level for Louis. And then, looking him straight in the eyes like that, I confirmed my suspicions. I had really wanted to kiss him there. Pretty sure I would have, if Louis hadn't scampered away like that. That was the issue. He left. Ran away. And unfortunately because that was the case, I knew Louis felt the opposite. Sitting in the hotel room hours after the almost-kiss, I remembered what I had told Hayden as my excuse for looking at Louis.

" _I'm not gay."_

Was I? No. I liked girls. I always have. But the tingles I got in my tummy whenever he came into my mind haven't gone unnoticed. I had never felt this way before, even for a girl. Thinking about it now gave me chills. Maybe I did like girls. Girls and Louis. Yeah, that made sense.

It had only been a little while, and I was already itching to see him again. How was I going to last four days?

-

I had to wait. _Skimming_ by rehearsals, grocery trips and dinners out with the boys, phone calls home. All with a certain boy on my mind. I almost let slip that I was thinking about Lou when Hayden asked me why I was so smiley. Louis made me smiley. I had been extra smiley today; he was performing. But I needed to contain my excitement. I knew Louis would be a little hesitant to talk to me, because of the MacDonald’s incident. And because he hadn't been returning my calls. But I was willing and confident to pull him back. If I couldn't kiss Louis, I could still be his friend. Pulling into the parking lot with the gang, I took a deep breath. This was it.

It still made me mad that Louis wasn't out front. They hid him behind 'ooh's' and echoes. He should be front and center, it really isn’t fair. Isn't fair at all. The Rouge definitely was good, and it was going to be tough to beat them that's for sure. Especially now that I had a crush on one of the members. It would be harder to think of them as complete enemies, they hardly seemed as bad as Hayden said. I'm not really one for enemies in the first place, let alone really cute ones. Even saying that, I really needed to get my head in the game. Who knows what the boys would do if they got a look inside my brain. Shaking my head to clear the thoughts, I returned my attention to the stage. I looked for the spark in Lou's eyes. I decided Louis Tomlinson's eyes were one of my favorite things. Like Christmas morning, or new shoes. I got giddy after they exited stage. We all collectively walked outside, without stopping at the dressing room. We had no need to. But I did.

"Hayden, I'll take the train tonight. I like the way it makes me feel vintage and rural. Like I'm really experiencing Leeds." _Lies._

"Really Harry? By yourself?" He gave me a questioning look, knowing I was up to something. I was always up to something.

"I just want to get the full experience. While I'm young." _More lies._

"Alright Harry. Stay out of trouble."

"I will!" _Another lie._ I ran back into the change room, like I had done once before, and sat on the chairs. By now, I had figured out that to get out of The Rouge's change room and leave the arena, you had to pass mine. So I waited, and waited. Finally, I heard footsteps traveling towards the door. I stood up quite quickly and pressed my ear to the door. This was in the least creepy way possible, I swear. Hearing Louis' beautiful laugh echo down the corridor I slowly opened the door, carrying many unnecessary things I really didn't need, but I did. Running into Louis, I caught him off guard, and dropped the contents of my hands, which was part of the plan. He shot me an _'are you kidding me'_ glare. He looked to his band mates, who took the hint and walked off, leaving the two of us to be. Perfect. I smiled bigger than I should have.

"What do you need Harry?" Louis asked through his teeth, looking at the pile of unorganized sheets on the floor. "I have places I need to be."

"No you don't. It's ten on a Monday. You have nowhere to be. But right here. With me."

"Harry," Louis started, sighing through his words.

"Look at me." I told him. He did. "I'm sorry about Friday, Okay? I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me, but It won't happen again, I swear. I am completely and one hundred percent into girls, and not you. So you don't need to be weird. And you don't need to avoid me." _This was a night of many lies._ He just stared blankly into my eyes. I was trying to sound confident here, but I was far from it. I was shaking. "Lou?"

"Yeah, Harry. Okay. It was my fault too, I didn't stop you soon enough. Can we just pretend it never happened?" I let out the breath I was holding. That was exactly what I wanted.

"I would love that."

"Haz?"

"I don't understand that nickname. But proceed." I told him, slowly regaining my smile.

"You wanna hang out? I don’t really want to sleep with them tonight, right pricks they're being." He gestured to the door, where his friends had left moments ago. I nodded, and tried to keep it from being too enthusiastic.

"Just let me ask if the boys are going to be in tonight." I couldn't wipe the releif off my face. Louis still wanted to be friends. I could do friends. I checked my phone, only to come across an existing message.

Nick: _Goin to the bar. will be home by 2. cya_

I don't think this could get any better.

-

It got better.

We snuck upstairs through the back staircase to the room, snickering and making a bigger deal of it than it needed to be. The relief I felt knowing Lou didn't hate me, overcame any feelings of apprehension about bringing the enemy into our home, that I would have had, had the almost-kiss not have happened. Sitting down on the couch that was a little too fancy for my liking, we grabbed popcorn and settled in. I kept my distance, though. I needed Louis to be comfortable, and I couldn't freak him out in the slightest.

I feel the saying 'you never know what you have until its gone' comes into place nicely here. I never realized how much I craved attention and touch, until I restricted myself from touching Louis. I found myself reaching out several times to grab him, or ruffle his hair, just to pull back before the contact. It was difficult. But I think I did a pretty good job. I had a silent cheer for myself for being sudtle about my feelings. But Louis certainly wasn't making this any easier. He kept shifting closer and pushing hair out of my eyes. He graduated to petting individual curls, then eventually full on running his hand through my hair. How much self control did I have?

"Lou?'

"Mhm," He said, looking at me with those goddamn sparkly eyes that I couldn't even fathom possible.

"What are you doing?" I asked hesitantly. (It's not like I didn't love the hair-touching, I just didn't know how long I could last when he was doing that. It needed to stop.)

"Playing with your hair. You have silly hair, Harry.'

"Thanks Louis." I laughed. "But you gotta stop doing that, it's, uh, making me sleepy." Which wasn't really a lie, I was getting tired. But that mostly had to do with the fact that it was midnight, and movies always made me sleepy. "I'm gonna fall asleep on you if you keep on doing it." I yawned, on que.

"That's okay." He smiled. "You can sleep on me." Jesus. I tried my absolute best to ignore all the things that usually came with the words Louis just said. I don't think I've ever tried so hard at anything before, ever. I swallowed, collecting myself. I think Louis noticed my uncomfortable reaction. He scrunched up his face.

"Not like that. My shoulder." He pointed. I had known what he meant the first time, I had just translated it into what I actually really did want. But being me, I take what I can get. And I _was_ tired. But I needed to stay awake, what if one of the boys came home?

"I should stay awake incase somebody comes home early or something." I voiced my thoughts.

"It's okay, I'll wake you up if anything happens." Okay. This was not my fault anymore. It takes two. Louis was initiating most of this. This was okay. Friends watch movies and fall asleep on couches together all the time. It's called a sleepover. I repeated those words in my head until I could deal with this. This was completely normal for friends. Taking a breath, I took refuge on Louis' shoulder, and yawned again.

"See, you're tired. Relax." He started petting my hair again, and it wasn’t long before I was out.

 


	7. Louis

I was in shit. I knew that. I was a terrible person. A terrible, terrible person. I shouldn't have gone back to Harry's. I shouldn't have cuddled with him or played with his hair, and I most definitely should not have let him fall asleep like that. I should not have liked it, either. I could see God picking out a place for me in hell. Boys were not supposed to think about how cute other boys were when they slept. Definitely not. And the trouble was, I could not get Harry's innocent little sleeping face out of my head. I needed some sort of distraction besides sitting here in my trailer, rethinking the events of last night. At around 1:30, I left. I couldn't risk being seen like that with Harry, and his band members probably wouldn't be too keen on seeing me lying with him. I walked in to our trailer at around two, and snuck into bed, not waking anyone, surprisingly. Getting up this morning, it was already noon; I decided I needed to leave. The gym would probably be a good place. I could get out some of my frustration, and get goddamn Harry Styles out of my head for a couple of sweet hours.

\--

My plan backfired. I think I accomplished the opposite of what I had hoped to do today. I had walked in, paid my fee, and walked over to the weights. While picking up a dumbbell, I glanced across the gym. And there, I spotted a familiar curly head punching one of the boxing bags. I dropped the 20 pounds on my foot, clamped my mouth shut to stop the scream from escaping, grabbed my poor foot, and started hopping around. The other gym-users using the weights looked at me like I was kooky in the head. I took a couple of deep breaths to try and ease the pain. I sat down to examine my injury. It wasn't that bad, maybe some bruising. I winced as I felt around my poor foot. Then I remembered what caused the injury.

I dared to look back over my shoulder. I peered back around the corner to get another look at Harry. Bad idea.

He was wearing an unnecessarily tight white t-shirt, black gym shorts, and neon green tennis shoes. His necklaces were swinging back and forth as he took hit after hit on the bag. I didn't know Harry had this in him. He was such a little flower. This was so unlike him, yet I couldn't bring myself to look away. The way his muscles in his back flexed, the way he was so incredibly focused on destroying his enemy, made me even a little scared. His curls were damp, sticking to his forehead. I swallowed, swung my head back around the corner, and took a deep breath. I _needed_ to stop looking at Harry. I needed to distance myself. But I couldn't. I had tried. I braced myself and looked back for one last glance. This was so wrong. But god, was Harry fit. No. No he was not. Megan Fox was fit. Yes. Not Harry. No. (yes he was) . And I absolutely did not like looking at Harry when his back was flexing and his forehead was sweaty. (yes I did) . I was still looking at him. He didn't notice me; I watched until he was done. He pulled put a towel and wiped the perspiration off. My eyes were still glued to the fifteen year old I didn't know could punch a bag with as much anger as if it was someone he truly detested. I made a conscious effort to yank my eyes back behind the pillar I was resting on. My breath was shaky and my hands were clammy. I needed to get out of here.

\--

I was replaying Harry working out over and over again in my head. No matter what I did, he always found a way to creep back in. I needed advice from the one person I could talk to, and I knew they wouldn't judge me.

\--

"Hello?"

"Hannah. Thank god you answered. I need your help."

"Help? This is the first time you've talked to me in four months and you need my help. I might need some convincing Louis." Sarcastic, as always.

"Please. It's important." I begged her.

"Yes, of course, you know that's my job. What is it?" She asked me, her voice bubbly. I hadn't really planned out what I was going to say, I didn't think she was going to answer me.

"There’s, um, I like someone."

"Oh?" She prodded, needing more information.

"Well, I don't exactly know if I like them or not, that's why I called." Hannah had a rep around school that she could tell if anyone fancied anyone. People said she could read minds. I think she just has a good judge of character.

"Well. I'm good at that. I can help you decide. If you really want to know."

"Yes, please. I need your magical assistance."

"That's good. Keep up the flattery. I might not charge you as much."

"Hannah."

"Okay, okay. How did you guys meet?"

"We're competing against each other."

"Oh. That sucks, doesn't it." I muffled an answer, not necessarily a yes or a no. "What are they like?" She asked. I sighed, thinking about all Harry's characteristics that made him Harry.

"Innocent and naive and eager and curly and lanky and sweet and stupid and smiley and fit and dumb and weird and quirky."

"Those are a lot of different adjectives." She spoke like a therapist. "When did you realize you had this little crush?"

"When we almost kissed. A little less than a week ago. And I haven't been able to keep my mind off it since."

"Did you want to kiss there? Were you disappointed when it didn't happen?" I thought about that one. I was the one who had ran away from Harry. Had I wanted to kiss him?

"Yes."

"How often do you see each other outside of the competition?"

"Almost every day."

"Louis, I think you're answering your own questions here. I'm not doing much. Do you really need me to tell you whether you like them or not?" Silence. I didn't answer her. What was I even looking for out of this phone call? She was pretty much just confirming that I fancied Harry. "Louis?"

"Yeah, sorry." I heard her sigh from the other line.

"What's his name?"

His? Was I really that obvious?

"His?" I asked her, hoping my voice didn't come off too shaky, making it clear i was lying.

"Louis. I've known you all your life. You've never been uncomfortable around girls, if you liked a girl, you liked a girl. There was never a question. You wouldn't need to call me if you fancied a girl."

Maybe I shouldn't have called her. Maybe she was a little bit too good at reading people.

"Harry." I said, barely above a whisper.

"What?"

"Harry. His name is Harry."

"Oh." I could practically hear the smug grin on her face through the phone. "What are you going to tell your dad?"

I didn't want to think about this. This shouldn't be an issue. My dad was the biggest catholic in Doncaster. My whole family was. Why did I have to be the one they put to mess with Harry? I didn't deserve this. It wasn't fair.

"I didn't plan on telling him."

"Oh, Louis. You've got yourself in deep haven't you?"

"I know."

"How much does he mean to you?"

"A lot. Shit, Hannah. A lot."

"Well, you can't just pass him off because some upper being tells you you can't be together."

"But Hannah, we're competitors. Even if Harry was a girl, we couldn't be seen together. My band mates would have my head. I'm supposed to be distracting him, not crushing on him."

"That makes it all the more fun, doesn't it?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Whatever you want it to, Louis. Let me know how this thing goes, it's interesting to me. Oh, and I'll keep my mouth shut, I promise."

"Thanks."

"Bye Louis."

 

Well, shit.


	8. Harry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shit goes down in this one

It happened on a Thursday. Thursday, July 16th. It was a regular Thursday. It was right before the fourth elimination round. Both Louis’ and my bands were still in, of course. It had been a week of secret hangouts, secret make outs (in my head, of course) and actually just having fun with Louis. I was sitting in the dressing room after a performance, as usual. I liked to reflect there. It was rusty and dirty but it spoke of home. I had my journal which was leaking of my thoughts as I scribbled my ideas down on paper. It was eerily quiet, just how I liked it. Everyone had fled the building after the last band, like always. I tried to remember everything about that night, from the dim lighting in the room to the dust on the chairs, and the little freckles on Louis' nose. I was in the middle of a sentence, quite liking how that poem was turning out. It was about Louis. Everything was about Louis these days. I was almost finished, when he barged through the door.

"Louis." I smiled. "What a pleasant surprise."

"Harry. When you almost kissed me, was that a moment of stupidity or did you really want to?" This out of nowhere. We had moved past that last week. I didn't think it was still on Louis' mind. It had never left mine.

Should I lie, or should I tell the truth?

"Don't lie." Louis told me, probably seeing the apprehension on my face. I weighed the options again in my head. Louis had just stormed in here, he almost looked angry. Almost. Would telling him I wanted to kiss him make him angry? I was scared to wreck anything with Louis. This was happening too fast. I needed time to make decisions. Not ten seconds. "Harry, please tell me the truth. I need to know. Did you want to?" He took a step closer to me. I tucked my pen in the book and stood up, stalling. I started to gather up the things on my desk/dressing table. I was looking the other way, avoiding eye contact. It was my turn to avoid _him._

"Louis, I-"

'No. Give me an answer." I felt his presence get closer. I took a deep breath. This was it. He was going to hate me. Never talk to me again. I braced myself and barely audible, through my teeth, uttered a 'yes'.

"What?" He asked, even closer. " I can't hear you Haz, don't mumble." _Haz._ He used the nickname. He wasn't mad, then. He would be pretty soon. I pushed my shoulders down with my exhale and turned around to face him. He was closer than I thought. I still hadn't made eye contact.

"Yes. Yes. Yes. I'm sorry! Please don't hate me. I just wanted you to like me. But then you seemed so upset.. and I.. so I backed off. I won't try to do it again I promise."

"What if..what if I wanted you to?"

I looked up at him. _What?_

"What?" I asked feebly, not sure if I had heard him right.

"What, if, I wanted you to?" He asked, a little louder.

"Louis,"

"Harry." He said matter-o-factly. I looked up at him unsurely. Did he know what he was asking me?

"Do you know what you're saying?" I asked him, almost like he was crazy. I didn't get an answer. He leaned in, he didn't have to go much farther. My eyes widened. He paused when our lips were just barely brushing and looked up through his eyelashes at me. I swallowed, my Adams apple bobbing. _Was this really happening?_

He slowly etched his hand up my side, to my neck, and pulled me into him. The feeling that welled through my body at the sudden contact was something I had never experienced. I could feel Lou's intent on my lips; he felt the same thing. I moved my hands to his waist, pulling him even closer to me. He began to move his lips against mine in a steady motion. It was natural, like we had done this a million times before. Louis was so unsure of what was happening, but I was so very sure. This was right. I was made for this; I was made to kiss Louis Tomlinson. He pressed his hips against mine, pushing our bodies into the table. I responded just as aggressively; licking his bottom lip, testing the waters. He parted his lips and let me explore his mouth. I was cautious and careful with Louis, slow but sure movements. I needed him to know that I was okay with this, that I wouldn’t rush him into anything. No matter how bad I wanted it.

I had imagined this so many times before, but Jesus Christ this was so much better than wanking under the hotel showerhead. I started to dip my tongue more forcefully, and Louis let out a tiny moan. God. I wanted to love my life making Louis make that noise. I don't know how long we stood there, and I didn't care. I was snogging Louis. I really didn't care what I was doing, as long as it was with Louis. I ran my hands down from his fluffy hair to his waist, and down to his ass. I ran my hands over his jeans, and slid my hands into the pockets. I pulled away, out of breath. I leaned over to Louis' ear and whispered;

"You have a real nice bum, Louis."

He laughed, short of breath.

"I just snogged you in your dressing room and that’s all you have to say?" A smile was plastered on his lips, still glistening with saliva.

"Yeah." I smiled back, keeping my hands in his pockets.

"You wanna go for another drive, yeah?" He asked me.

Hell yes I did.

\--

This ride was much like our first one, only this time Lou was more comfortable with me, and I had my hand on his thigh. I don't think anything could happen right now that could damper my happiness. I giggled along, being happy and silly. After about ten minutes, Louis pulled into an old parking lot. It was pitch black now, and we couldn't see anything.

"Whatcha doing Lou?" I asked.

"I like kissing you." He told me. I blushed, and I was glad he couldn't see it.

"I like kissing you too."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"I feel like I shouldn't like kissing you, but then it just really makes me want to kiss you more. and now that I know what I'm missing out on I'm not sure I can resist." Louis purred those words, like a cat, almost. I could get used to this flirting. Louis grabbed my hand and interlocked our fingers. I could get used to this as well.

"Then do it you idiot."

He did. He put one hand on my face and kept the other holding onto mine. He dragged me over to his side of the car, and kissed me. I giggled the whole time. This was so silly, but it was really hot at the same time; snogging Louis' in the front seat of his car. Some time durring the kiss he kind of growled in my mouth and pushed his crotch up into mine and it stopped being silly and became 110% hot.

I squeezed the hand Louis was still holding, and put my free hand on his hip, fingers clenching the cotton material of Lou's sweatshirt. I licked into his mouth, tracing his teeth before melting my tongue into his, still massaging our lips together. He slid the hand on my jaw to the back of my neck, and yanked me forward almost violently; letting out a small moan. He immediately tried to cover it up. I broke apart and moved my lips to his ear.

"Don't cover those, Lou, I love it." I smiled and went straight back to his lips. Lou made and almost strangled cry, and suddenly pushed me off him. He ducked his head under the window and motioned for me to do as well, in my own seat. I didn't understand, but I understood the seriousness in his eyes when he did it. I obeyed. "Lou?" I asked in a whisper.

"Shhh Harry." I did. It felt like we were at school, on lockdown. After about a good two minutes, Louis said we could come back up. "I thought I heard someone coming." He said uncomfortably. I was a little hurt, did Louis not want to be seen with me? I tried not to show that on my face, but I had never been good at that. "It's not you Harry. I just-we-we can't be seen, like _this,_ in public." He gestured around the car.

"Why not?" I asked him, upset and cowering like a turtle in my shell.

"Because-Harry. I'm... I'm not used to this quite yet, okay? I've just come to terms with myself about it and I just.. you know we would be dead if we were caught. You know that Harry."

"So we'll be careful. That is, until you decide we're ready."

"Yeah, I'll give it a shot, Harry." A smile grew on his lips. "Only cause I like you just a little bit." He bit his bottom lip consciously, looking up at me with sparkling eyes. I beamed and leaned in just a touch.

"I like you too." I sent a flirtatious glance his way. I grabbed his hand and interlaced our fingers like they were previously.

"I think you might just be worth the wait."

Yeah, I could get used to this.


	9. Louis

"LOUIS!"

Ugh. It was too early to be awake. I stuffed the pillow next to me over my head to block out whoever was trying to wake me up.

"LOUIS!"

There it was again. I groaned, louder.

"LOUIS TOMLINSON GET YOUR ASS OUT HERE!"

Fine. I quite literally dragged myself out of bed and made the few steps across the trailer. My band mates were already up and eating breakfast. I looked quite ratty in my boxers in comparison to their ironed t-shirts and jean shorts. I almost cringed at how similar they all looked. I sat down at the cramped table and reached for the toast.

“We need to talk Louis.”

“Mhm.” I said, grabbing the jam.

“About Harry.” I tried to stop the smile that crept up at the mention of his name. The events from last night flooded back into my mind. Harry and I had exchanged messy hand jobs in the storage closet. (cliché, I know.) But sneaking around with Harry was one of the most exciting things I’ve done in a long time. I had this adrenaline rush every time we “hung out” for fear of getting caught, but that somehow made it even more fun. It had been two weeks since that night, and we had yet to be caught.

“What about Harry?” I asked.

“Yeah, so. We don’t know if you’ve noticed, but White Eskimo is getting better, not worse. Especially Harry. And that’s your job. To make him worse. Distract him. And you’ve been spending time with him, right? So have you made _any_ progress?”

I had thought about this, because I knew it was going to happen eventually. I had a plan in case this conversation was to happen.

“Yeah, I know. Don’t doubt me, I have a plan. I’m going to build the kid up to knock him down, you know? Like make him feel awesome and then ending night just break him. I can do it, he loves me.”  I hadn’t come up with what I was going to do when the final performance actually came, and I didn’t want to think about it.

“You better. We’re counting on you.” They frowned at me, got up from the breakfast table and walked out. _Well goodbye to you too._ Most of the time I felt like it was Stan-Geoff-Chris against Louis. They controlled me beyond the normality of being in a band, as a collective unit.

I took advantage of them leaving, though. I got dressed, put a hat over my bed head, grabbed bus money, and headed to the first place I thought of.

***

This was risky, I knew it. But the frustration from this morning still clung to my thoughts. I knew he was here, there wasn’t anywhere else he would be. I took a breath and knocked three times. I heard laughter and muffled footsteps. He answered the door with his ever-present smile on his lips. It fell into confusion. He looked back in the room, and shut the door.

“What are you doing here?”

“Well hello to you too. Let’s go on an adventure!” I smiled smugly at him.

“Louis, you can’t be here. You know that.” I knew Harry would agree eventually, he was like putty in my hands.

“I miss you.” I gave my best pouty face. I grabbed the strings on his jumper.

“You saw me yesterday.” I could see his guard breaking.

“Please Harry.” I used the strings to pull him closer. “For me?” He ground his jaw together, something Harry always did when he was trying to make a decision. He was always so indecisive, even with little things like whether to get pickles on his sandwich or not. He sighed in defeat, shaking his head.

“I hate you.” He said, but I could see the smile in his eyes. I smirked back. He broke away from me to go back in the room. I could faintly hear him tell the boys he was meeting an old friend from home. I smiled to myself; it warmed my heart that Harry was so eager to come be with me. And, I hadn’t shown him my favorite coffee shop yet. It was on the definite to-do list today.

***

“What do you want to do with the rest of your life, Lou?” Harry looked up at me through his eyelashes, as he took a drink of his tea.

“That’s a big question Haz, where’s it coming from?” We stole the back booth at the little shop on 4th. It was the best one in town, as far as I was concerned.

“I was just thinking, I might want to try out for the X-Factor.”

“Wow. Harry, that’s, wow. A big decision, but I’m sure you’d be great. You’d charm your way to number one! Just don’t forget me when you’re famous.” I winked across the table.

“It’s just an idea.” He started to play with the strings on his sweater that I was earlier. “Would you do it with me?” I laughed at that one.

“Oh, Harry, I’m not good enough for one of those shows. I wouldn’t even make the first round.”

“Don’t ever say that. You’re one of the best singers I’ve ever met.” He almost looked mad at me.

“Be serious now. I’m a backup singer in an amature band. I’m really not that good a singer, Haz.

“Stop that. Right now. You. Are. Wonderful. Don’t let anyone tell you any different. Including yourself.”

“I’ve never even been on a stage by myself, how would I be able to perform in front of people like that?”  

“I’ll help you. You just need to perform by yourself a couple of times before. It’s not hard at all, you’d love it. It’s the best feeling in the world.” Harry’s eyes lit up when he talked about being onstage. I grimaced, I would try singing onstage, for Harry, because I saw that it made him so happy. But I was not trying out for any god fore saken TV show.

“I’m not making any promises.”

“Good enough for me!” One day, his lips are going to fall off his face. I contemplate telling him this, but I like it, so I stay silent.

***

“This is silly Harry. I’m not doing this.”

“Come on! It’s just me! You don’t need to be nervous.” I didn’t know how, but Harry had managed to get security to let us in for ten minutes. He had now pushed me up onto the stage, and was encouraging me from the audience.

“I don’t even know what to sing.”

“Stop being stubborn. I’ll even start you off. Here.

_If I don't say this now I will surely break  
As I'm leaving the one I want to take” _

Of course he would pick this song. It’s one of my favourites, he knows that. I joined in with him.

_“Forget the urgency but hurry up and wait_  
 _My heart has started to separate_  
  
 _Oh, oh, oh_  
 _Oh, oh, oh_  
 _Be my baby_  
 _Oh, oh, oh_  
 _Oh, oh, oh_  
 _Oh, oh, oh_  
 _Be my baby_  
 _I'll look after you_  
  
 _There now, steady love, so few come and don't go_  
 _Will you, won't you be the one I'll always know?_  
 _When I'm losing my control, the city spins around_  
 _You're the only one who knows, you slow it down_  
  
 _Oh, oh, oh_  
 _Oh, oh, oh_  
 _Be my baby_  
 _Oh, oh, oh_  
 _Oh, oh, oh_  
 _Oh, oh, oh_  
 _Be my baby_  
 _I'll look after you_  
 _And I'll look after you_

I heard Harry clapping ridiculously. I hadn’t noticed he’d stopped singing with me. I felt the blood rush to my cheeks. Harry ran around to the doors, I was guessing he was going to join me onstage. My predictions proved true when I felt two arms engulf me from behind.

“I’m so proud of you.” He whispered into the back of my t-shirt. He pressed a kiss to the back of my neck.

“Thanks Harry.” I leaned back into his touch. He pressed another kiss to my shoulder and I sighed at the contact with my skin.  

“Your eyes are sparkly.”

“What?” I laughed at him.

“You have sparkly eyes when you sing. It’s one of my favorite things about you.”

“Thanks, Harry. You notice weird things.”

“I’m a weird person.” He stated, simply a fact.

“That you are.”

“As much as I love this, we need to get going. That security guard already hates me enough, and my charm only lasts so long.” He let his lips linger on my skin. I hummed.

“Okay. I left my jacket in the dressing room; I’ll meet you outside, alright?” He smiled at me, parting from our embrace. He gave a little wave and went this other way, singing his arms back and forth.

***

I walked around the corner to pick up Harry when I heard yelling. _What was going on?_

“Just leave, faggot.”

“You heard em’, kill yourself.”

“Nice bracelet, fag.”

“Please stop.” _Shit._

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” I asked them. Three guys, must be double Harry’s size. They had him in the corner.

“He asked for it, standing here alone, look at him! He’s a fag!”

“Call my boyfriend a fag one more time, I’ll have you begging for your life.” They looked a little shocked I had come here to shoo them off instead of join them. 

“Man, we weren’t looking for any trouble, man.” The smallest one backed up.

“Then leave.” I scowled.  

“Fine.” The bigger one said. “Let’s go. They aren’t worth our time.” As soon as they left I rushed to Harry’s side.

“Are you okay? Oh my god your eye. This is gonna bruise. Harry are you-“ I pulled a really confused look. The bastard was smiling? He just got beat up and he was fucking smiling? “Harry why the _fuck_ are you smiling?” I asked.

“Did you mean it?” He asked me, his eyes glistening. 

"Mean what?"

“You called me your boyfriend.”

_oh._

“Oh. Yeah, that, um… do you want me to? Like to mean it?”

“Yeah. yeah I would.” He looked up at me from the ground.

“Well. Then I meant it.”

Smiling, he jumped up into another bear hug.

“Alright, Harry, let’s get you home and cleaned up.” He grabbed my hand and started off walking. He leaned into my shoulder, sighing again.

“Boyfriend.” I didn’t know if I was supposed to hear that or not, but I did, and I didn’t have to look; I could tell he was grinning off his face yet again. And for the first time in a long while, I was too.


	10. Harry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is for ifancylou cause i was like half done this chapter for a while and then she reminded me, and i finished it. so you can thank her. 
> 
> side note - almost done!!!

“Lou, stop it. We’re in public.” Louis was playing with my the strings on my hoodie again. He had his head resting on my shoulder and was looking up at me through delicate eyelashes. I knew that I could never say no to him, but it was worth a shot. (it really wasn’t)

“We’re the next stop curly. Get ready.” He told me, completely ignoring my earlier warning. He continued to snuggle closer, almost on my seat. I sighed and sunk farther down into the ratted cushion. It was Louis who wanted to keep me a secret, so if he wanted to be cozy in public it was his decision. But it really wasn’t fair that he was always teasing me, dangling what I really wanted (to scream my boyfriends name at the top of a hill, to take him on dates, to kiss him in front of our friends, family) right in front of my eyes, and then tear my hopes away from me, a distant dream.

“Where exactly are we going?” I asked, hoping off the train and onto the platform.

“I dunno, just for a walk.” Louis responded, already skipping ahead. I jogged after him, catching up. He had taken us to a part of the city I had never been to. It looked like not many people had been here either.

“Seriously Lou, where are we? I asked again.

“I told you, we’re going for a walk. It’s an adventure.” He grabbed my hand and yanked me into the cold air.

We ran around town like children, exploring and giggling. It was nice, not having to be mature all the time. I was constantly needing to prove myself to people, because I was younger. Screw them. We snuck into an old-looking ice cream shop and I sweet talked them into letting us get cones before they closed shop.

“Hey, Harry, come here.” Louis said, beckoning me over to where he stood. He had walked behind the shop, and was standing on the hill out back. It was isolated and beautiful. The sun was setting beyond the landscape of the far away city. He explained to me that he used to come here with his sisters when his parents would fight. They would get ice cream and run around and watch the sunset, and then he would take them home and tuck them into bed. I felt honored, to know such a personal detail about Lou, and to share in the making of memories here with him. “Isn’t it great?” He asked, gesturing to the sunset.

“Its amazing Lou. Glad you brought me here.” I wrapped my arms around the crook of his neck. He hummed into the touch, a trait of his I was beginning to see more of. I crept my ice cream up behind Louis’ back, where he couldn’t see, and tipped the end just so it landed a tiny dot on his nose.

“Hey, watch it.” He whipped around to face me, holding his cone like a martial arts weapon.

“It’s on.” We circled each other, making over the top faces and gestures. When Louis finally attacked, he _attacked_. He lunged onto me and wrapped his legs around my waist, starting me on a giggle fit. His ice cream was dropped and left unnoticed on the ground as he attacked me with kisses; little pecks all over my neck and face and shoulders and then just my neck, and they weren’t just pecks. My giggling stopped and I fell backwards onto a pile of grass and _oh_. We weren’t fighting anymore. Louis had me pinned on the ground, leaving marks up and across my collar bones. “Lou,” I started.

“Shh, Harry.” He continued, which I was probably going to regret in the morning, but I allowed it.

“No…Lou…the boys…hotel…out…” I managed to get out through ragged breaths. Louis had a way of making things go from cute and romantic to intense in a matter of seconds. Not that I was complaining.

“The boys are out?” He asked, sitting up.

“Yeah.” I smiled. I sat up on my elbows. Louis leaned back into my ear.

“Then what are we waiting for?”

***

It didn’t take long once the door was shut and locked for his lips to find mine.

He became possessive, pushing me against the wall, the kitchen counter, the couch; stranding articles of clothes as we went. Leaving both of us in our boxers, we fell into one of the beds. The fact that I didn’t know whose, made it all more fun. Louis reached his hand between our bodies, palming me through my boxers. I let out an earthy moan deep into Louis’ throat. I felt alive whenever I was with him, like everything in my body was on fire, in a good way. No, in the best way possible. We fit together so perfectly that it was hard to imagine there was a time I didn’t want this.

Louis disconnected our lips, kissing down my torso, leaving my body on fire as he went. He tugged on the waistband of my Calvin Kleins, a little unsure and awkward.

“Keep going.” I encouraged him. This was all a little new to both of us, a little hard to get used to. He pursed his lips and nodded. Wasting no time in getting me naked, he licked a bold stripe up the underside of my cock, sending ripples through my system. I called out, deciding in my head that I would never get used to Louis’ touch. He cupped my balls in one hand, putting his lips over the head. I let out another groan, my eyes wanting to roll back. I didn’t let them, I wanted to watch him. He started to bob his head up and down on my shaft, causing little whimpers to escape my lips. I wasn’t going to last much longer if he kept that up. I shoved my hands into his hair, encouraging him. He hummed, again, one of my favourite things that he did. It sent vibrations thought my entire body.

I came into his mouth with a sharp cry. He pulled off, leaving little kisses on and around my hips. Louis dragged himself up and our lips met again. I could taste myself on his lips, and I couldn’t tell if it was gross or hot. I didn't really care.

I rolled so that I was on top of Louis. He still had his boxers on, and I could tell he was getting quite uncomfortable. I returned the favor, relieving him of his discomfort. Even though we had exchanged several blowjobs like this; messy, needy and rushed; I still hadn't perfected it. Louis seemed to enjoy it even still, and that was all that mattered.

      

       I was still on top of Lou, now straddling him and leaving trails of hot touches, skin flushed. I wanted to explore every inch of his body, an adventure waiting to happen.

"Fuck, Harry." Louis whined, almost completely hard again. His words struck a chord in my mind. A strangled noise came from the back of my throat at the idea. I sat up.

"We can, if you want to. I mean, fuck." I threw the idea out there, curious as to what his reaction would be. He blinked a couple of times. he looked down, and then back at me. He sat up on his elbows.

"But I dont...like, have anything." Lou stumbled out. He ran his fingers through his very messy hair. His eyes scanned the room, and then met mine again. I blushed furiously. A knowing smile grew on his lips. "Harry.." His eyes held a teasing glint.

"Yeah?" I asked sheepishly.

"Did you think this was gonna happen?" A playful grin stretched across his face. I _had_ hoped this was going to happen. I had spent nights awake thinking about it, in fact. The other day, in preparation, I had gone out and bought supplies.

"Yeah." I repeated in the same manner, shy and a little timid.

"Well?" He questioned me. "Are you just gonna sit there, or are you gonna go get them?" The smug look stayed pasted on his face.

"Really?" I asked, surprised at his reaction. Louis was always the one to put a damper on our relationship moving forward. Tonight was a night full of firsts.

"If you want to, if you're sure." He looked me straight in the eyes.

"I want to do everything with you." I said with a sudden rush of confidence. I rushed down to kiss him once, hard and meaningful. I got up from the bed and padded down to the door, where I kept my bag. I grabbed condoms and lube from the back pocket. I tossed them around in my hands and with a happy sigh, walked back into the bedroom.


	11. Louis

I left. I felt like shit for it, but I left. I had to. If I had stayed for any longer there’s no way I wouldn’t have been caught. But no question, yesterday was the best day of my life. I had sex, with a boy. (the most amazing boy I had ever met) But, a boy. I was in full bliss mode; I probably should have at least tried to conceal that walking into the trailer at 4am. Stan was up, (which, what the fuck?) sipping tea like he had been waiting for me. (spoiler alert: he was)

“Louis.”

“Stan.” I nodded, apprehension in my voice, shutting the door behind me.

“Where were you?” He wasn’t looking at me, just down at his tea like he was my father and I had been out past curfew.

“I was with Harry, shouldn’t you be happy?”

“Louis.”

“What?!” I asked, the frustration clear.

“At four in the morning?”

“Yes. Now if you’ll excuse me-“

“No. Sit.” Again with the whole father thing. I let out a deep breath.

“Can I help you Stan?” He sure had a nice way of killing the mood.

“Actually, yeah. You can Louis. We’ve been discussing, and we think you’re too far into this prank. You haven’t done anything to help us and if you haven’t noticed, finals are tomorrow.”

“Whatever Stan.” Really? That was my comeback? Anyways, I was done with this conversation. I started walking off to my bed.

“Stay away from Harry.” He called after me.

“Goodnight.” I groaned, irritated.

“Be ready for tomorrow!”

Well, fuck.

***

We had one rehearsal before finals, and it was all fucking day. It wasn’t as bad as it could have been; I was texting Harry the entire time. I told the boys it was Hannah, and they seemed to believe me enough to get off my back. I was just ready for the drama with this band, and this god damn summer to be over. (I hadn’t actually thought about what was going to happen when that time did come, but I wasn’t one to dwell on sad things.) I only got in trouble twice, and that’s pretty good for me. I counted this rehearsal as a success.

***

I paced back and forth the dressing room, preparing for tonight’s performance. The most important one yet, finals. There were three bands left, us, White Eskimo, and one from Bradford. I hadn’t heard from Harry since yesterday, and it was starting to make me a little nervous. But to save too much backlash on my part for being distracted I wrote it off as him being busy and forgot about it. When we were walking backstage I considered stopping by on the way to wish him luck, but decided against that almost as fast as I had thought it up.

Once backstage, I spotted the curls instantly. When nobody important was looking, I gave him a teensy wave and a smile. He just kind of looked away, weird. He must not have seen me.

While all three bands were onstage for our big intro, I caught Harry’s eye again: this time winking at him. He made a face like he just smelt sour milk, or was trying to hold back punching someone in the face. I chuckled to myself. Harry was really cute when he was all focused for performance. Speaking of which, I should really start getting focused.

In my last attempt to get through Harry’s pre-performance bubble, I walked up to him in the curtain.

“Good luck pumpkin. I know you’ll do great.” I murmured just loud enough for the two of us. He didn’t respond, although the twitch of his body on ‘pumpkin’ didn’t go unnoticed. If not talking was his pre-show ritual, that was fine. I was just talk to him one-sided. “I love you.” He started to turn around at that one, and I was pleased that I got him out of his funk. However, my happiness faded as quickly as it came. The next words out of his mouth were the last ones I was expecting.

“Fuck you Louis.”

***

Had I done something wrong? Was he mad that I left the other morning? Had he changed his mind about me? Found someone else? Was he using me the same way I had originally planned on using him? Fuck, I didn’t know. Harry was never like this. It had to have been something I said or did. But what? He was fine yesterday. We were texting, flirting, giggling. The day before we had slept together for crying out loud. I couldn’t figure anything out.

I was distracted onstage. I didn’t sing like I could have. I missed notes. Hell, I even think I may have messed up lyrics. Nothing was going as planned. I braced myself for the discipline I was going to receive for this. I knew I was shit, I didn’t need to hear it.

Results came faster this year. Or did they? Everything was a blur of harryharryharry. Harry smiling and laughing backstage. Harry smiling onstage, grabbing bandmates’ hands for good luck. Harry’s name being announced. Harry throwing his hands in the air to celebrate. Harry winning. Harry won. We lost. Harry.

I wasn’t moving. Was this real? I’m still unsure. I was ushered to the dressing room by a rough hand, still unresponsive and numb. Harry. I needed to see Harry. I was being yelled at. Harry. Their yelling wasn’t doing anything. Harry.

“I need to see Harry.” Talking aloud brought my thoughts together. That seemed to shut them up. I didn’t wait for them to respond, quit while you’re ahead, right? I walked straight out, hearing mumbled versions of ‘backfired’ and ‘shit.” and other curse words and Harry.

I knocked on the door several times more than necessary. One of their guitarists answered the door. He had a huge grin on his face, instantly falling after recognizing me.

“What do you want?” His voice was full of nothing but disgust.

“Harry - I need to see Harry. Please.”

“He doesn’t want to talk to you right now.”

“Please.” I tried again, begging.

“You should leave.”

“Let him in, Hayden. It’s okay.” Harry.

The man at the door, Hayden, opened it just enough for me to squeeze through.

“Harry.” I let out a breath. Harry gave one look at his bandmates and they got the hint, and walked out. I didn’t have time to question it.

“Louis. Come here to try and win me back? Now that your little plan backfired? Or to spit on my heart as well?” His voice was cold and unchanging.

“What are you talking about?” I gulped. I hadn’t a clue as to what was going on.

“Don’t pull that shit with me. You know exactly what you did.” The anger when he spoke was something I had never heard out of Harry’s mouth.

“I don’t! Harry please! I lo-“

“Don’t. Don’t fucking say that Louis! All the things we did? Things we said? Really?” He shook his head. “Do you think I’m just your plaything? I’m not. I don’t need you; we won, even with your little “prank”. You think that just because I’m fifteen you can push me around? No. Have a nice life Louis. Oh, and p.s.? have a _great_ time with Hannah.” He sarcastically spit the words at me and a piece of paper was thrown at my feet. When I bent down to see what it was, Harry was gone. I ran out to catch him, but if I was going to be honest with myself it wasn’t going to happen. He was long gone. And if you wanted to hide in this arena, it wasn’t exactly difficult.

Rallying up my strengths I eventually found my way back to Harry’s dressing room. The letter was still there, looking alone and sad on the dusty floor. I picked it up.

_Dear Harry,_

_Everything and anything you heard me say when we were together was a lie. I don’t like you, I never have. This is just something that had to happen. Unlike you and me, which could never happen; I’m just that much out of your league. And impossibly straight. This ‘relationship’ was just something to distract you from your music, something my band just kind of does. I’m terribly sorry for the inconvenience, I’m breaking up with you. If you can even say that. I hope you can improve your singing skills, and I hope you can try to get over me. Have fun losing gay boy!_

_Kisses, Louis_

_P.S. I’m still with Hannah._

This was wrong. So wrong. I would never say any of those things. Ever. Harry meant so much to me. Who would ever say things like this?

_Oh._

The fastest I’ve ever walked was back to that god damned dressing room, crumpled note in hand. I shoved it in Stan’s face. “Did you write this?” I spat.

“Lou, it w-“

“Don’t call me that. _Did_ you, or did you _not_ write this letter to Harry?  
 

“I did.” He stated.

“Why?” I asked, saddened, lowering my voice.

“George read one of your texts the other day at rehearsal. You were too far in, Louis. You needed an out, we gave you one. Just trying to help.”

“You gave me nothing.”

“Louis, don’t be like this.”

“Like what? A decent human being?” I stammered. “And your stupid plan didn’t work, we lost anyways.”

“It doesn’t matter. We’ve discussed it, and this competition is really too amateur for us. We’re looking in on a different festival for next year.” _Making yet another decision without me._ I thought.  

“No.” I hissed.

“No?” Stan seemed entertained that I hadn’t automatically agreed with him. He was almost laughing.

“You didn’t just lose the goddamn competition, Stan. You lost me.”

“What are you talking about Louis?” The humor was immediately gone from his voice.

“I quit.” 


	12. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a great big thanks to cara for all her help love herr ( http://living-loudd.tumblr.com/ )
> 
> this is it folks!

 

Louis nervously tapped his foot in line. This was taking forever. And it was definitely taking a toll on his nerves. It seemed like he had been in the same spot for hours. 

Harry was elated. He had his family around him, everyone was singing, dancing, and just enjoying themselves. He had seen a couple people run out of the doors crying, feeling his stomach drop at the sight. He felt so bad for them. 

Louis was finally moving up in line. He was almost there. But every turn of the head, his eyes played tricks on him.  _He won't be here Louis. Settle down._ He told himself over and over again, but it didn't really seem to work. 

There were so many people here, just in Harry's city. _Louis isn't coming Harry._ But he wasn't really convinced. He didn't want him to be here. Most definitely not.

Louis was shocked. Had they really said yes? Was this a dream? But it wasn't. He boarded a flight the next week to London. There were so many good people here. How was he even supposed to be noticed? 

So many more people here. Different colors, shapes and sizes. Harry tried to just focus on himself and his own singing, but every time a head of golden brown hair swept past him his head shot up.  _Louis isn't coming Harry._ It still didn't work.

Louis' eyes wouldn't stop shifting, looking for curls, listening for a too-loud laugh. Nothing. He wanted him to be here. He really did.  _He won't be here Louis. Settle down._

  
Harry hadn't talked to Louis for a year. 

Louis hadn't talked to Harry for a year. 

Why was he so anxious?

Why was his heart beating fast?

_Louis isn't coming Harry._

_He won't be here Louis. Settle down._

With all this anxiousness, Harry hadn't noticed how much water he had drank.   _Jesus._ He just needed to find a toilet. 

Maybe all Louis needed was some water splashed on his face. Boot Camp was going to be hard enough. He needed to shake this. He looked around for the nearest bathroom. 

Looking around, Harry found a sign that lead to the loo. 

Looking around, Louis found a sign that lead to the loo. 

"Hi." 

"oops!"

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fin .


End file.
